Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
