A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
