she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's blow job season.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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