So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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