omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my liver is dry heaving
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
