you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
