dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
