Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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