I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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