i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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