We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
God, I missed his penis.
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