I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
