I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
