I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
