i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
