Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
