...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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