Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
