The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
