this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Watching her eat just hurts me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
