we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
