hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
