It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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