talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
