We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
