everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
