i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
