I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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