I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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