I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
