The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
