The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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