Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The uberlube is also flammable
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
