Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
