Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
