who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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