Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
