So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
