When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it because I queefed?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
