We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
