It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
