when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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