When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
FUCK WHALES
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