What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
