You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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