we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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