Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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