You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
