I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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