there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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