I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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