its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
