my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
