did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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