In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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