she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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