Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
