I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
