I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
