we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
