We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
