I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
