so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
