seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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