theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
