Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
